Mom

As Mother's Day is approaching I begin to think about my mom even more than normal (I already think about her several times a day, everyday, but it's even more frequent this time of year.) I also think about being a mom myself, and often compare the two. There are so very many times that I wonder what my mom would do in a situation that I, myself, am in with my own kids. I try to behave like she would, but, unfortunately, I realize later that the way I reacted is not nearly as kind as she would have acted. In short, I feel like she was a better mom than I am, hands-down. She was more patient, more easy-going, more kind, and more laid back than I am; I am trying to work on all those things each day.

But on a more optimistic note, I do like to think about the things I do that are just like my mom.

I physically look a lot like her--I could insert a joke about my small waist/big booty here--and my voice sounds a lot like hers. My uncle, her little brother, calls me Kathy Jr. I love it when I say a certain phrase, do a gesture, or make a facial expression and my sister or brother tells me that I sounded "just like Mom." It makes me really happy inside that she lives on, in me. There is no better complement to me than when people tell me, "you are just like your mom!" Those words make my heart swell with pride and my eyes well up with tears.

So, as I've been thinking these things, I thought I'd make a list of things my mom taught me, things I wish she had taught me, and things that she's still teaching me now.

Some things my mom taught me: how to sew, crochet, cross-stitch, and knit. To love reading. To love movies. To love games; card games, board games, dice games--I love them all. To love being with my girlfriends for walks and talks. To love Mexican food! I also have her love of boating and water-skiing. I'm pretty opinionated, like her, and sometimes speak before I think (and regret it later!) She taught me how to cry. She was a crier, and I'm a big crier (crying right now as I write this, in fact.)

Some things I wish I'd learned: My mom was an excellent cook, and I think she really enjoyed it. I don't have that love. I make a few things well, but nothing like she could. I miss her chicken-noodle soup with big, fat, homemade noodles. Her caramels were perfect and her homemade rolls were beyond perfect. (Although I do make her yummy banana bread, Scotcharoos, 4-layer dessert, and bran muffins.) I wish I'd learned to cut hair! (My sister got this talent!) I wish I could laugh like her. Man, I miss her laugh--she had a very unique, infectious, and sometimes embarassing (when I was in a movie theater with her) laugh that was loud and awesome. What I wouldn't give to hear that laugh again.

Some things I'm still trying to learn: I want to be a good Young Women President like she was--the girls and leaders in our ward just adored her and looked up to her. I want to laugh more easily--it didn't take much to get her cracking up and I wish I was more like that. I want to be the kind of wife she was--she put my dad before anyone or anything, even us kids, and I want to be that way for Bryan. More than anything, I want to be a mom like she was. Since I'm the youngest, I didn't really see her interact with little kids until I was a teenager. But when my mom became a grandma I saw the way she was when my niece was a baby, a toddler, and a little girl (just about Tess's age). She was so patient, kind, and fun. She would make up fun little stories and tell them while snuggling Baylee in bed. I still remember the look on Baylee's face as she looked up into Gramma Kathy's eyes--pure love and adoration. Oh, to have my kids look at me like that!

I love you Mom. You are my idol. You are my guardian angel. I miss you everyday, and I'm so anxious to see you again.